Articles, Ideas and Audios! > Connecting With Crossed-Over Loved Ones

20 May 2003


Happy Holidays! Thank you to all of you who have so sweetly shared your lives with me this year. I am honored to have been trusted with your secrets, your fears and your joys. May the New Year bring you all deep peace and a lasting connection with your soul and the beauty of your True Self!

Every year around this time, people call me to connect with crossed-over loved ones. The holidays, although filled with excitement and joy, can also be a time of missing someone who is no longer with you in physical form. As we gather together we hold a space in our hearts for dear ones who seem to be lost from us.

When most people seek out a medium, they usually have one pressing question, “Is my loved one okay?” Always, the answer is YES! It is so difficult for us to understand that all the pressures, the pain and the density of being in a body go away for people when they die. I have never done a mediumship reading for someone who has held on to physical pain. Moving past the body allows a soul to be free of the physical issues that may have been a part of their existence on earth.

Every medium has different experiences and even different techniques. I would like to share with you some of my experiences to help you perhaps find a way to connect with your loved ones in your own way.

The first thing that I notice with people when they cross over is that in the first two years after passing they seem to keep a large part of their personality. Usually when I am talking to someone who has recently crossed over, their biggest worry is whether their loved ones who they have left behind are okay. If there is a lot of grief or trauma related to their passing, the soul who has left seems to stay very close, as if to provide comfort and support to their family and friends who are missing them.

For me, when I am “tuning in” to someone’s energy field, if someone has recently passed in their life, that person is very easy to connect with. The departed soul is usually hovering very close behind the person’s back. Almost always, they have a hand on the person’s back behind their heart, as if they are holding the person up and sending them love. Sometimes, particularly if the departed one is a male, their presence is so strong I almost want to tell my client to duck when they come in the door to my office because I don’t want the departed one to bump their head when they walk in. So far, no one has. They seem to be able to maneuver the physical plane quite nicely.

It is during this two-year period that the soul of the person who has died seems to be “working” on resolving issues that perhaps were left undone on Earth. For example, if someone dies and there is unresolved issues with anger, the departed soul will work from the other side trying to make amends or assure the people left behind that the anger is gone and forgiveness needs to take place.

When the interpersonal issues seem to be blocking the person left behind from moving forward, there is usually a deep sense of urgency to resolve the issue. The crossed-over loved one is anxious for the ones left behind to move forward and finish their grief and sorrow.

I have never connected with a crossed-over love one who has held on to anger or resentment. These energies do not seem to cross the barrier into the “other side”. In fact, one of the reasons why I enjoy being a medium so much is that I get to experience love from the other side in a way that we seem to not be able to experience it in the earthly plane. Truly, when someone crosses over, only the love remains.

Sometimes, if someone has died unexpectedly or suddenly, there is a little bit of shock that a soul can experience. I don’t encounter this often, but when I do, I can call on the soul’s family members who have passed and Archangel Michael to help the soul adjust to being on the other side. This takes about a minute to do and then adjustment happens quite quickly.

The more grief a family feels, the harder it is for a soul to progress to the next level. When we deny our grief or we don’t surrender it, the soul gets trapped trying to make things better. This is so true when I am working with children who have died. Children always tell me to tell their parents that they will never leave their parent’s side. Children seem to stay in their parent’s energy fields for a long time and almost seem to “grow up” next to their parents even though they are no longer here.

As soon as we begin to resolve our grief, the soul can then go on to the next level of development. I usually see this around the two year mark after a person’s passing. At that point, the personality seems to fade away a bit and the soul begins to exist in a pure state of love and energy. Sometimes, at this point, it is difficult for me to “see” the person’s physical appearance and I can only connect with their soul energy.

Personally, this is an amazing experience. When I connect with a soul in this state, my own body, particularly my heart chakra, expands with this love-force energy and I feel so much beauty and peace. This is a love energy that we can all tap into if we just remember to feel past our physical form and remember that all the trials and tribulations of being on Earth are just dense forms of energy.

Different souls seem to have different skill levels of communication. Sometimes I will encounter a soul who just loves to talk and can communicate quite clearly. I sometimes have to blink when I deal with these spirits because it is hard to tell that they are not in physical form. I connected with a sweet man the other day who was very good at communicating across from the other side. He was such a chatterbox and was so anxious to talk to his daughter, I couldn’t get him to be quiet!!

The most common way that crossed-over loved ones seem to communicate is through working in dream-time. Most of my clients will tell me that they have very different kinds of profound dreams just after a person has crossed over. If you have had these kinds of dreams, don’t discount them. They are very real communication from your loved one.

We have a tendency to believe that connecting with crossed-over loved ones is similar to the experiences of the boy in the movie, “The Sixth Sense”. My experience (and the experience of many other mediums I know) is not like this at all. We discount a lot of inter-dimensional communication from loved ones because it doesn’t look like it does in the movies.

If you are seeking to connect with a crossed-over loved one, let go of all your paradigms about how you think your experience or your communication should look like. You are probably connecting with your loved one just fine. You just may be doubting your experience.

Most souls will tell me that they talk to their loved ones all the time but that they just don’t listen. My experience with crossed-over souls is that they can talk to us sometimes in our head. You may actually hear (but not like hearing with your physical ears, more like talking to yourself in your head) your loved ones words or voice in your head but then discount it or think you are experiencing wishful thinking. Trust yourself and what you are experiencing. If you are hearing a loved-one in your head, you probably really are!

Pets seem to be able to connect better than humans. Many souls will show me images of dogs or cats. The crossed-over souls tell me that dogs, especially, will do strange things after someone has passed, like stand at the top of the stairs and seemingly bark at nothing. This is just your pet connecting with your loved one. Pay attention to your animals. They can perceive energy in a way that we can’t sometimes.

One of my favorite ways to help people to connect with crossed-over loved ones it to teach my clients to do channeled writing. It is very easy to connect with departed souls through writing.

This technique is very easy to do. Simply write a question for your loved one on paper. You can even write them a letter if you want to. Once you are done with your writing, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask that you be connected with your loved one.

As soon as you feel ready, (If your are deeply skeptical do this anyway, you may never feel ready.) write what you think the answer would be to your question or your letter. You may have to “prime the pump” so to speak when you first begin writing. Just write what comes into your head. You may find that as you continue to write, the words come faster and even the tone of voice of your words may change. This is just your loved one coming through for you!!

The biggest block to connecting with a crossed-over loved one is skepticism. We doubt so many of our Divine Messages because they don’t happen the way we think they should. Let go of your doubt and just play. If you think you can’t connect with a departed one, imagine what it would be like if you could and see what happens. This is not supposed to be so serious and departed ones remind me of that all the time!

Losing a loved one can be a devastating experience. Allow yourself to feel your grief and your sorrow. The more you allow for your sadness, the more quickly you can move past it. When my clients are not allowing their sadness, the pain and the grief goes on much longer and can even manifest in physical illness. As hard as it is, let it go. It has been my experience that time does truly heal the pain and that only the love remains.

Our departed loved ones encourage us to release our grief. Completing our grief sets us and them free, too. And it makes room to bring more love into our lives.

This holiday season as you gather with your friends and family, make room for crossed-over loved ones. Bake their favorite cookies or treats. Talk about them, honor them and send them love. They are truly right there with you! We are really never alone. (Not even in the shower!)

Have a blessed holiday! May the New Year bring you all that your heart desires!