Hi!

I have been doing a lot of personal work these last few months. Like many of you, I have been struggling with getting from Point A to Point B without a road map. It has been a time of operating from a place of deep faith and frankly, a lot of waiting for clarity while riding an emotional rollercoaster. Aaah the sweet challenges of life.

In the process of re-evaluating my life, I have been gaining awareness of old patterns that still seem to influence and impact upon my consciousness and my reality. It has been illuminating to me that I still carry patterns of behaviors and beliefs that I thought I had healed a long time ago. A lot of my clients and friends have been reporting the same experience.

THE RECOVERY SPIRAL
Recovery can be like a giant spiral, each ring of the spiral being larger and wider. Every time we work to heal a belief or an old pattern, we go around a ring in the spiral and work until we reach the next level of development, the influence of the pattern or behavior lessening with each ring we travel.

After a certain amount of traveling around the spiral, we reach a state of awareness when we "know" what patterns need to be broken. This is where recovery can become a plateau for many of us. Releasing the pattern at this point is not about discovering the pattern or even understanding the pattern anymore. How many patterns in your life are you aware of and even know why or how they came into your consciousness?

For example, I have a history of feeling abandoned in relationships. I know I have abandonment issues. I even know where they came from and why I have them. I know myself so well that I will even tell people when I first start a relationship to "beware" because I have abandonment issues.

GETTING WHAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO AND BREAKING OLD HABITS
In my limited experience on this planet, I have learned two things. The first thing I have learned is that what you pay attention to will grow. If I focus on my abandonment issues then I will probably be abandoned. I mean, who wants to hang around someone who is either too clingy or withdraws as soon as the relationship "hits a bump"? Who wants to hang around a person who is constantly collecting data to support her dysfunctional belief system?

The second thing that I have learned is that patterns can only be broken when we set a conscious intention to disrupt the pattern. Because I have reached a certain level of awareness with this pattern, I have a choice about whether to live out this pattern or not. I can choose to act as if I will be abandoned (and most likely I will be). Or I can choose to act as if I am secure in a relationship and then (and this is the hard part.) I can wait for my emotional alignment to kick in and move into a space where I can be okay in the relationship without the fear.

THE BIOLOGY OF NEW PATTERNS
Neuropsychology teaches us that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Every time we live out a pattern, especially if we do it over time, we are building neuropathways that reinforce the pattern in our physiology. Whenever we are seeking to undo a pattern, we have biology that resists us in addition to our underlying emotional issues and beliefs.

It is just like a baby learning to walk. First she will practice pulling herself up, then cruise along the furniture, take a few steps, toddle and then, eventually, run. Each time the baby takes these monumental steps, she is building a neuropathway in her brain.

Neuropathways are the path of least resistance for nerve impulses to travel through in our brains. Of course, it is easy for the nervous system to use a well-worn pathway. This explains why changing a pattern can be so difficult. When we build a new neuropathway, in the beginning, the path is not so clearly defined and sometimes we have to wait for it to become easy for our nerve impulses to travel along these roads with ease, just like a baby learning to walk.

Breaking an old pattern or habit and replacing it with a new one takes at least 21 days of consistent application in order for our physiology and even our emotional status to catch up with the conscious changes we have made. It requires discipline and patience sometimes to wait for a neuropathway to be built. This is why conscious attention and focus is required to release an old pattern.

We can treat old belief systems, emotional roots and causes for our patterns but we still have to create new patterns to replace the old. This is why the path of least resistance in the brain is still the easiest path to take until we replace the old pathway.
This applies to all of our patterns that we live out. If you want to change your pattern in relationships, eating habits, exercise habits, emotional beliefs or addictions, you have to set an intention and then consciously live out the new pattern.

EXCITEMENT AND MOTIVATION
Now, I have written in the past to use excitement (and your Human Design strategy) as your navigation tool for bringing what is correct into your life. For those of you who are working to break old patterns, it is probably obvious that sometimes it is not exciting to make choices that break the old pattern. It is important that you look at your desired outcome and see whether that outcome excites you. Does it excite you to think about allowing yourself to give and receive love freely without fear? Does it excite you to have a relationship that has clear and consistent sharing and communication? Does it excite you to have a healthy body, do the work you love, live the life you desire? If your answer is "yes" then you may have to make conscious choices that, in the short run, may actually be the last thing you want to do or even the last thing that you think will excite you.

As we move closer to the New Year and we begin to evaluate our Resolutions for the New Year, I encourage you to look at what you want to bring into your life that is exciting. Do you need to release an old pattern to make room for a new way of living? Are you willing to commit to the work? This is not always an easy task.

CLEARING OLD EMOTIONAL BLOCKS
Once you have recognized a pattern that you want to change, work on it with the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or any other emotional release technique that you know (to learn more about EFT click here to download my free instruction manual, "EFT for Everyone"). Get to the emotional source of your issue so that you have a clear understanding of the old pattern.

Once you have cleared, or at least gained cognitive awareness of emotional issues surrounding your pattern, set a conscious intention to break the pattern. You can clear the emotional block but you still have to replace the old pattern with a new pattern. Act as if you have broken the pattern, even if you don't know what that means or how that will look.

For example, if I am feeling abandoned in a relationship, I have to act as if I won't be abandoned. Even though my first instinct might be to stop calling or emailing someone, or calling someone constantly because I feel hurt that they haven't called or emailed me, I have to act as if I haven't been abandoned. I might need to take a risk and email or call this person anyway. Or stop calling them and wait for them to call me.

And in the meantime, I have to wait for my emotional energy to be in sync with my actions (Yikes!)

FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY
Sometimes when we break a pattern is it very scary. You might be quaking in your boots trying out the new pattern and seeing if it works. As someone very wise once told me, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." Once you consistently apply the new pattern, the fear goes away. Don't let yourself get paralyzed in the fear. Use EFT to tap on your fear. It will pass.

According to the Human Design System, only 1/8 of the population has Will Power (The Will Center is the small triangle to the right of the diamond in the center of the Human Design Body Graph). No wonder it is so difficult for many of us to make a choice and stick with it. Can you make the conscious choice to break your pattern? It can be challenging to override old programming to make this choice. Be easy on yourself.

And, just to make sure that you don't get into the pattern of beating yourself up because you stumble occasionally, celebrate the days when you remember to honor your new pattern. When you have a day that is difficult, evaluate your emotional status, your physical status and anything else going on in your life that may be making it difficult to hold out for emotional alignment with the pattern. Take care of yourself along the way. Get enough rest and really nurture yourself. Honor your path and your intention and be gentle with yourself.

This is not an easy journey sometimes. I honor you all for your courage to make the changes that are in alignment with your deepest longings and heart's desires.

Blessings and Power to YOU!

Love,

Karen